The end of 2020 is finally here. I think we are all ready to flip the page and end this chapter. We are all tired, we are ragged and we deserve better. Collectively, 2020 has been a catastrophic year of immense, tumultuous change. We have been hit with a global pandemic, unprecedented circumstances, and seemingly infinite amounts of chaos and fear. We are surviving, not living, surviving, a historic era where leadership and empathy are lacking disasterously, belief in science and logic is wavering and people are suffering and dying in a divided, hate filled country. The weight of these times press down on all of us; it’s impossible to ignore. We have been shaped by the pandemic and will carry these experiences for a lifetime. We miss our friends and family and the everyday nuances we took for granted. Time itself has shifted, at least personally, the days and hours all melt together. It’s felt like the longest year ever.  

I have tried to be as productive as possible during this bizarre time and to make the most out of my solitude - diving into divination, reading more and creating more. Tarot has been particularly helpful to me. I do a large New Year’s tarot spread each year and journal as part of my closing rituals. What a wild, wild ride it’s been. The first prompt of the tarot spread was, “What were my biggest achievements for 2020?” Two cards fell out of my hands, the Tower and the Ten of Cups, which completely contradict one another but are also completely accurate, because you know, 2020. The Tower is the dumpster fire card of the tarot world, symbolizing chaos, upheaval and revelations through hard lessons. The Ten of Cups is a blissful card, representing happiness/harmony, alignment and stability within the home. Collectively, it’s been the worst year in my lifetime, but personally, 2020 has been a year of growth and fulfillment, after initially being knocked on my ass and struggling. Hard. The Tower juxtaposed against the Ten of Cups demonstrates the tension between where I was when the pandemic/quarantine started and where I am now. The rest of the cards reflected my experiences just as perfectly, with an overarching theme of perseverance, creative growth, and embracing and overcoming obstacles.

Everything is different and my life and headspace are completely different than before the pandemic. Days before Covid hit, I broke my ankle and tore a ligament by missing a single step (which now seems like a pretty good indicator of what the year had in store). We were already tight financially, having just moved cross country a couple months prior, and at the time, I had horrible health insurance and we took a major financial hit. The strain affected our marriage and my mental health. I was on bed rest for eight weeks and was unable to make new work for my shop, another financial loss. I started skipping dosages on my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications to space it out so the prescriptions lasted longer, which of course didn’t work and had major consequences. Then the whole world shut down simultaneously. It was bizarre and scary to experience it all at once, although I was already confined to my house and didn’t have a full grasp of the seriousness of the situation or the implications on everyday life.

We were able to scrape by through unemployment and my husband’s work as a package delivery driver picked up substantially awhile later. My ankle healed over several months and we recovered from my medical bills. I grew my business Instagram account while on bed rest and am EXTREMELY lucky to be part of the witchcraft community. I am thankful for my customers, followers and friends I’ve met along the way- a large blessing from this year. Over the summer, I took a job as a social media specialist for a witchy shop that I love, in addition to running my own business. I worked hard to get it and work hard everyday, but I still consider myself lucky to have it. We are both EXTREMELY lucky to have jobs that we love, ways to pay the bills and a warm home to retreat to. We are no longer living paycheck to paycheck and relying on savings. We are privileged to have made it to this point and are doing our best to be conscious and compassionate, to use our voices politically, and to donate funds/shop small. We have a tough year ahead, but there is hope for a better future if we work together and support one another in any way that we are able. 2020 has taught me a lot, it’s shifted my perspectives, flipped my world upside down and shattered my comfort zones. It has been horrible, yet fulfilling. Uncertain, yet stabilizing. It has been the year of the Tower and the Ten of Cups.